It was rubbish when it was new, it was built by idiots, and it’s rubbish now.

Top Gear: Complete Season 13 (3pc)

Referred to as “Our tame racing driver”, Jeremy has some of the many priceless ways to introduce The Stig each week on the Top Gear show all starting with the phrase “Some say…”

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Please enjoy some of my favorites:

Some say parts of him are surprisingly bulbous. And that he recently spent time in an Ethiopian prison for accidentally calling his teddy The Emperor Haile Selassie … bear. All we know is, he’s called The Stig.

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full-size tattoo of his face – on his face. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Get this classic Clarkson quote of a t-shirt

Some say he should be switched off at the mains overnight and that David Hasslehoff calls him ‘son’. All we know is, he’s called The Stig.

Some say that his genitals are on up side down and that he could solve the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds. All we know is, he’s called The Stig.

Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman’s nipples. And that he thinks the credit crunch is some kind of breakfast cereal. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Get this classic Clarkson quote of a t-shirt

Some say that his earwax tastes like Turkish delight, and that his toes are exactly the same shape as a woman’s nipples.. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say he knows three facts about ducks/geese. And none of them are correct. . All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they’d all be pregnant, including the cameramen and the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say that his tears are adhesive and if he caught fire he would burn for 1000 days. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say his teeth glow in the dark, and that if you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say if you insult his mother, he will head butt you in the chest, and that he once punched a horse to the ground. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say his tongue can strip the paint off a Porsche in 30 seconds, and that his first name really is The. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say his brain is a Satellite navigation system, and that jimmy Carter wants him dead. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say his heart ticks like a watch, and that he can smell corners. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say he has 8 trees for a wife and his kids liked school dinners. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say he is dead, but the grim reaper is too scared to tell him. All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

Some say it’s impossible for him to wear socks. And he can open a beer bottle with his testes.All we know is; he’s called The Stig.

I have never really understood the attraction of MPVs. To me they are the first sign that the driver has given up on life.

Driving this thing (Citroën C8 2.0HDi) is simply terrible. It’s too big, too wobbly and it’s gutless. Honestly, I’d rather walk.

This is without doubt the worst car, not just in its category but in the world. It has a top speed of 88mph but takes so long to reach it that no one has ever lived long enough to verify the claim, the inside is tackier than Anthea Turner’s wedding and you don’t want to think what would happen if it bumped into a lamppost.

Also its name sounds like a disease!