Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster:

It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a pig’s bottom

Clarkson:

There are many things I’d rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

I’ve seen better looking gangrenous wounds than this.

0-60 takes 5 and a half seconds…and about 17 gallons of fuel.