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Some say….
Friday, August 20th, 2010
The Stig
Some say his breath smells like Castrol GTX and that he is Chuck Norris’ real father. All we know is, he’s called THE STIG
Thanks to Nicla Smit via Twitter
Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue… we know him only, as the Stig.
Some say he is illegal in 17 U.S. states, and he blinks this way [motioning his fingers in a horizontal fashion]… all we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he’s scared of bells… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all of his legs are hydraulic… all we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that his heart ticks like a watch, and that he’s confused by stairs… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees… all we know is, he’s called the Stig
Buy a “I am The STIG” Car Decal
I AM THE STIG Car Decal / Sticker
Some say that he’s terrified of ducks, and that there’s an airport in Russia named after him… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that where ever you are in the world, if you tune your radio to 88.4, you can actually hear his thoughts… all we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish delight… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that his politics are terrifying, and that he once punched a horse to the ground… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire, he’d burn for a thousand days… all we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks… all we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that his ears aren’t exactly where you’d expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say his ears have a paisley lining, and he’s been banned from the Chelsea Flower Show… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nürburgring, and that if you give him a really important job to do, he’ll skive off and play croquet… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say he invented Branston Pickle, and that if you insult his mother, he will head-butt you in the chest… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that on really warm days, he sheds his skin like a snake, and that for some reason, he’s allergic to the Dutch… all we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say that his first name really is “The,” and that if he went on Celebrity Love Island, they’d all be pregnant including the camera men… all we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say that he once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner, and that he is in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal… all we know is, he’s called Lord Stig!
Some Say this is really is this small and that his eyes flash at 7:30 every Tuesday evening, all we know is he’s called the Stig Alarm Clock
Top Gear Stig Projection Alarm Clock
Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs. All we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Jeremy: Some say that he’s a CIA experiment that went wrong, and that he only eats cheese… all we know is, he’s not the Stig, but he is the Stig’s American cousin!
Some say that if you lick his chest, it tastes exactly the same as piccalilli, and that at this week’s Brit awards, he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks, and that his crash helmet is modelled on Britney Spears’ head… all we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called Steve… all we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that his scrotum has its own small gravity field, and that because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is, he’s called Cuddles.
Some say that he’s banned from the town of Chichester, and that in a recent late-night deal, he bought a slightly dented white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh. All we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that he gets terrible eczema on his helmet, and that if he’d been the video referee at the World Cup Rugby Final, he’d have seen ‘ of course it was a try you blind Australian half-wit’! All we know is, he’s called The Stig.
(on African Stig) Some say he’s seen The Lion King 1780 times, and that his second best friend is a cape buffalo… all we know is, he’s not the Stig, but he is the Stig’s African cousin.
Some say that to unlock him, you have to run your finger down his face, like this (runs his finger down the face of an audience member standing nearby), and that if he was getting divorced from Paul McCartney, he’d keep his stupid whiny mouth shut! All we know is, he’s called The Stig.
Some say that he thought Star Wars was a documentary, and that he recently pulled out of I’m A Celebrity because he is scared of trees… and Australia… and Koo Stark… and Ant… and Dec. All we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say that he knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong. And that 61 years ago he accidentally introduced Her Majesty The Queen to a Greek racialist. All we know is, I’m going to the tower now to have my head cut off, and he is called The Stig.
Some say that when he slows down brake lights come on in his buttocks, and that if he’d been the manager of the England football squad last week, he wouldn’t have been a feckless ginger gum-chewing buffoon who ruined it for all of us. All we know is, he’s called The Stig.
Some say that he once lost a canoe on a beach in the north-east, and that he once did some time in a prison in Canterbury, because his teddy is called The Baby Jesus. All we know is, he’s called the Stig.
Some say that as we speak he is actually relaxing in the resort pool, and he is, he is actually.
Some say that after making love, he bites the head off his partner. And that he’s had to give up binge drinking now that it’s gone to one pound eighteen to a litre. All we know is, he’s called The Stig.
Some say that each of his toenails are exactly the same as a woman’s nipples, and that he thinks that “credit-crunch” is some kind of a breakfast cereal. All we know is, he’s called The Stig.
Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is, he’s called The Stig!
Some say that he is not allowed, by law, within 100 yards of Lorraine Kelly, and that he’s never seen an episode of Top Gear, because he’s a huge fan of Midsomer Murders! All we know is, he’s called Bergerac!
Some say it’s impossible for him to wear socks, and he can open a beer bottle with his testes! All we know is, he’s called The Stig.
Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had phone sex with Russell Brand’s answering machine. All we know is, he’s called The Stig.
Jeremy: Some say his favourite ever song is Forever Autumn by Justin Hayward, and that he has the world’s largest collection of pornographical material. All we know is, he’s not The Stig, but he is The Stig’s lorry-driving cousin!
Some say that he invented November. And that if he had won the World Championship in Brazil last weekend, there might have been one photograph of him without his father, gurning in the back of shot. All we know is, he’s called The Stig.
Some say that one of his eyes is a teste. And that he was turned down for I’m a celebrity because people have heard of him. All we know is he’s called The Stig!
James Mays’ first time introducing The Stig: James: Some say, he has a stripy top, just like mine…
Some say one of his legs get longer when he sees a pretty lady. And that I haven’t done one of these for some time and I’ve forgotten to make up a second thing. All we know is he’s called The Stig!
Jeremy: Some say that he doesn’t like to get his helmet wet. A point that was proved last week when he was caught in the back of shot by an eagle-eyed viewer. All we know is, he’s called The Stig!
Some say he invented the curtain, and that he recently submitted a £20,000 expenses claim for some gravel…for his moat. All we know is, he’s called the Stig
Some say, he has twelve GCSE’s, all in Domestic Science. And that he has been producing artificial sperm for years. Even though we have repeatedly asked him not to. All we know is, he’s called The Stig.
Some say that in the autumn, all his arms go brown and fall off. And that if he wrote you a letter of condolence, he would at least get your name right. All we know is, he’s called the Stog.
Some say that he has some terrible plans involving the moon. And that he was turned down for a place on I’m a Celebrity because he is one.
Some say his new Christmas range of fragrances includes the great smell of Wednesday. And that he was turned down for the job of EU President, because his face is just too recognisable. All we know is he’s call The Stig!
Some say that the drinks cabinet in his car contains fourteen different types of custard. And that while he has been known to leave his house in a bit of a hurry, he’s never once hit a fire hydrant. All we know he’s called the Stig!
